Feb 11, 2008 - 9:22 pm
Title: The beginning of 2008...

is overwhelming me.

I'm in sunny singapore with nice beaches and cooling coconut trees, and i'm living a stressful life.

1. Marketing for my music school,.. www.bedazzledmusic.com
It's only open for 2 days because there are no students on other days. But i'm paying 2.8k USD a mth for the space in town,.. and have signed a 3 year lease. I need to get my

a) website design
b) brochure design & printing
c) banner design & set up

Now, i'm selling pianos in the space. But not very successfully heheh. 1 piano in a mth,.. that only covers 300USD of the rent.


2. What is the chance that the man you thought you would settle down with has mental illness? My fiance is not mentally "normal" and not just repressed. I love him,.. but he hears and sees things that aren't there. And whilst i love him,.. i don't think normal people appreciate that their partners are sane. I didn't realise how much stress there can be if there's a higher possibility of any children having a higher chance of schizophrenia or mental illness,..

Himself being mentally ill, and me not having known it for more than 2.5 years has caused me to lose my confidence in myself. How can you know a person, and yet not know a person?

I find him physically attractive. But sometimes i don't respect him. But when i try to find out why i don't respect him, my feelings get all convoluted. You know,.. love must also be about admiration. IF you don't admire something, you don't love it?

I hope he'll be completely recovered. But if not,.. love is for richer, or poorer, mentally sound or not.




All this, apart from the normal stresses of a couple getting and buying a house,.. trying to find time to spend together. And i find it hard to articulate my feelings in person. I don't think he realises how hard it is on me, finding that he's not the "mentally healthy" person i thought he was. I keep on telling myself that we're all not exactly sane, especially in this stressful world,.. we all have our foibles and quirks and ways of coping and self-soothing. I want to stand by him, but at times i'm so tired. I want to play AAT again and have fun, and forget for a while,.. but there're so many things to juggle,.. my students, their progress, exams,.. my family who don't know about his condition. Having not enough money. I used to be mistaken for being 10 years younger by cab drivers 2 years ago,.. now no more.


Entry Edited 6 times - Edited on Feb 12, 2008 - 7:20 am

rambled by Langel around Feb 11, 2008 - 9:22 pm
My Stuff...

Langel


Sex: Female

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